I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
