'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
