why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
