Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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