Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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