Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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