I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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