kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I party with great urgency now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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