he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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