Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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