This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
