So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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