He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
