3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
