I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Gay?
German.
Pity.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
