I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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