He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
