I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
A bitchslap is in order.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
