I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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