idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
