There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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