Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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