This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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