When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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