I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am one with the molecules
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
