I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
