I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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