you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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