So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
