Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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