Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why do cheetos always look like penises
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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