I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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