I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
