Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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