Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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