Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ugly people sure do ruin things
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
