The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
