You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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