I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
