I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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