STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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