I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
