and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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