Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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