wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
