Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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