By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
