my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
