Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
