his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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