Moan for me like Helen Keller
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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