my phone needs a breathalizer
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
