I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize