You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
