you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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