I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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