The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
