Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
