You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
