He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
honey bunches of taint.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
