dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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