I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
