I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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