The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
