I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
