she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oh god the rape fog is back!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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