we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
