dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
