dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
