Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
