Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
