Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
